I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
