in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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