he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
