I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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