So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
