okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
