just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
