i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
