she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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