oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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