I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
