I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
