If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
3pm strippers are depressing
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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