my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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