Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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