I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
