I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
