i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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