What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
