we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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