he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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