hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
