when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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