i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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