There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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