so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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