fuck your aforementioned shoe
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
