idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
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You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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