At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
