You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
