He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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