I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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