I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
