u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
