i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
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I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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