Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
