i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have tasted many bathrooms
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
