Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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