my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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