It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
