So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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