so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
