I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
