Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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