idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
