why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
