we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
