He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
