If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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