I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
