You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
