So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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