She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
