i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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