Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
