what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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