Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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