her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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