his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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