I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
