The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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