I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
