dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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