ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
