Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
