Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
