You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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