How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
