I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
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If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
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Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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